Questions and Answers (that you might not like)

People always ask a lot of questions when they find out we're adopting.  Which is totally fine.  I'm happy to educate people about such an important topic.  But I find some questions more difficult to answer than others, simply because I don't know how to say what I really want to say, without sounding like a jerk.  And I feel like I'm not being totally honest in my answers. For example, people often want to know why we chose the Philippines, as opposed to a domestic adoption.  That answer is another post for another time.  Another question I find hard to answer honestly, and I've basically made up my nice, standardized answer that won't get me all riled up and into rant mode, is "Why are you adopting?"  And I give them my safe answer, but what I really want to say is "Why aren't YOU??"  You see, for me, the choice to adopt is a no-brainer.  For starters, God commands us to care for orphans.  Yes, that can mean more than just adoption, because I understand that not everyone can adopt.  And not everyone should adopt.  But it seems that most people can adopt, and in my opinion, therefore should adopt.  Millions (yes, millions) of precious children are being thrown away, literally, in orphanages and mental institutions (which are even worse than they sound!) simply because they were born in a country that does not value human life.  Namely, human life with any kind of difference that will require extra care.  Children born with special needs are considered not worth the time or money it would cost to care for them, and parents are encourged to abandon such children to the orphanage where they can be "with their own kind."  They are neglected, denied medical care, starved both physically and emotionally, often abused, and the most needy children are left to die.  Alone. 
Children who are orphaned or abandoned for reasons other than special needs have it only slightly better.  But their lives still have little hope apart from adoption into a loving family. 
Maybe right now you're thinking, "Merissa, aren't you being a little melodramatic?"  Is it really all that bad?"  If you don't believe me, take a look at some of the blogs I follow.  Or google it.  You'll find plenty of information out there on foreign orphanages that will leave you speechless.  Heartbroken.  Outraged.  And hopefully motivated to do something about it.
I said, 'for starters...' and for me it really doesn't go much beyond that.  We are commanded to care for orphans.  And the poor.  And God puts no qualifications or conditions on that commans.  There's no "if you feel called" or "if you feel qualified" or "if you are rich" or "if you ..." But we selfish Americans put our own conditions on obedience (in many areas,  not just this one).  And we make excuses as to why we aren't obeying.  And we try to justify ourselves and create a version of Christianity that looks nothing like what the Bible calls us to. 
Now you see why I have a hard time answering the question "Why are you adopting" in casual conversation??  I've probably lost most of you already, but the reality is that we are commanded to care for the poor and the orphan (and all orphans are poor, so they should get double care, right?:)).  And for the most part, we really are not doing it. 
Yesterday at church we were singing the song "Hear Us from Heaven."  The chorus says "Open the blind eyes, unlock the deaf ears, come to your people as we draw near."  Before when I sang that song I always thought about people who are not yet saved, and need to have their eyes and ears opened to the truth of the gospel.  But really, the song is about the church. We are blind, and we are deaf.  We are blind to the needs of the world, deaf to the cries of those we are supposed to care for.  We need to wake up.  We need to repent.  And we need to move. 

I hope you will all come to our event, Celebrate Adoption! on June 9th.  My prayer is not only that we raise money for our adoption, but more so that many other people will decide to adopt, and rescue a child (or children!) from a life without hope, without love, and without Christ.

I know this is a rather long post, but I also want to give you all an update on where we're at in the process.  Last week I spoke with the director of our agency, Jim.  Before I talked with him I had gotten a bit of a scare from one of the other agency workers, who told me that Philippine adoptions typically take 2 years, start to finish.  This was the same lady who told me at the beginning that they had recently had a family finish their adoption in about 8 months.  So I was freaking out a bit.  But I talked with Jim the next day, and he explained the process more thoroughly, and also told me he was planning on calling the Philippines that night to check on the progess of all the families in the process right now.  He emailed me back later in the week and told me that a social worker is still reviewing our file, and has to give her approval to match us with James.  That matching happens on Tuesdays.  Then she must present us to the ICAB (Intercountry Adoption Board) for a vote to approve us and match us officially.  That happens the Friday following the Tuesday approval.  Once that happens, it is roughly another three month wait while they get his visa ready, and then we can go and pick him up.  So, we could get approval as soon as this Friday, or it may be a few more weeks.  We are also waiting on USCIS approval, which is going to be slightly delayed because we had to reschedule Jason's biometrics appointment.  But hopefully that will still happen quickly.  So that's where we are at, and we would appreciate your prayers for our social worker, Angelie, and for the ICAB.


  1. Praying, Merissa, not only for the process, but for "hearts wide open," as in Luke 24:45. Great post. Isaiah 58:6-10 and James 1:27 and 2:15-17 also come to mind.

  2. Great post. For me when people ask us why we chose Bul*garia I say we didnt. That is where our boys are and that is where we will go. We didnt set out to go there. People always say you should adopt your own kind first, ummm...human is my kind I sometimes reply. hehe. But those passing judgement say we should do this or that usually arent doing any of it. You can know who genuinely wants to know and be educated and others who are just rude and looking to come after you.

    Be blessed

  3. Hi from Alabama! My mom lives in Monroeville with her adopted daughter (my niece, actually) and called me this morning to tell me she read about you in the local paper. I see we read lots of the same blogs. We are hopefully going to be sending our dossier to China so that we can adopt a beautiful 3.5 year old girl. Congratulations on your adoption! I hope the rest of the process goes well!

  4. We are currently adopting two orphans from Eastern Europe with down syndrome, so I understand the call to adopt 100%. Enjoyed reading your post.


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